For the past 3 January’s I have trained for the Moab half marathon. This year, I thought I’d go all out and run a full marathon. Just kidding. At this point in my life, there’s no time for training, instead I daily run the Mommy Half Marathon, as do many other inspiring moms that I know. This I write to preserve what goes on in my crazy life these days. Here’s my story…my real story (in fast forward).
I snooze my alarm. I drag my bum out of bed, then fight Silas to get out of bed. He usually grumps at me for the next 30 minutes, and somehow I seem to get him out the door to school. I try to get Logan to finish his sugar-packed bowl of cereal, get Oaklee some milk and whatever else I can get her to eat. Sometimes I’ll even try to get myself ready…smear on some make-up, put on some “mom-friendly clothes” that I still feel cute enough in. Other days, I just don’t even feel like trying to get ready…exercise clothes it is (don’t be fooled thinking I’m actually going to exercise!) I clean up breakfast, maybe start some laundry, send Logan to preschool or find something for him to do. Put Oaklee for nap and Logan in front of a screen so that I can get something done that requires thinking. Sometimes I’m productive and work on primary stuff, other times it’s grocery lists, budgeting, or preschool plans, and even very occasionally I clean. And then there are those random days, when I walk passed something random, and decide that that’s what I’m going to have as my project for the day. Decorating, organizing, making reading games or gospel lessons, or of course, something random that I found on Pintrest that I just have to make right now. Pretty soon the baby is up (way too soon) and I let Logan play a few more minutes on a screen (way too long). And now it’s time to make lunch. Peanut butter and jelly again it is. Clean up lunch, change the laundry (or not, and then the next day I wash the load in the washer a second time). This next block of time might involve running errands, playing with Logan and Oaklee, or inviting some friends over (really more for me than for the kids!) Before I know it, Oaklee goes down for another nap, Si gets home from school, and my real brain drain begins. I am whispering and shushing my kids and making threats about what might happen if they wake the baby. I heard them downstairs. Si tells me all about his day, he often has something dramatic that happened to him, meanwhile Logan is trying to talk at the exact same time. There’s usually some fighting, some sympathy, and a snack. I furiously work through my deepening brain drain to try and help Logan do some learning, and help Silas finish his homework and 20 minutes of reading. I find myself loving helping Silas learn to read, and longing to be teaching in a classroom. Few!! I made it. I set the boys loose to play with friends, try to persuade or even force them to play outside, or just let them play the Wii. I move on to grab a crying baby get her some milk, and try to make some dinner. Dinner is on the table, kids are probably whining that they don’t like the dinner or at least the one bite of vegetable I have left on their plate. The real battle now begins. If Tyrel has no class, we are a tag team, we divide and conquer. If he has class, there’s no one to tag so I’m flying solo. I furiously work to get some food in me, get some food in Oaklee before she throws it and tells me she’s all done, and try to get my boys to focus long enough to finish their food. This food contains little or no whole grains, doesn’t always contain many vegetables, probably adds to mom and dad’s wait gain, often comes from a box and contains much less portion than my kids should really be consuming. At the start of dinner I have every intention of being happy and positive and having a nice family conversation. After a half hour of only a few bites gone from their plates, I become less friendly. I make the no talking rule. I put on timers, threaten to take away snacks and treats…By some miracle we finish dinner, the boys do their jobs, and I clean up the kitchen, while trying to keep Oaklee out of the garbage, the dishwasher, and of course the potty. Fast forward, the work is done (if it’s not bath night), I feel like I’m finally ready to spend some more time with my children…and all I have energy to do is watch a couple of episodes of “Magic School Bus” with them or play Candy Land while laying on the couch (they must move my guy and draw my cards for me). Well guess what, they are delighted. All they want to do is snuggle with their Mamma. Sometimes I even let them have a snack to go with it. “Magic School Bus” is over, time to get ready for bed. “Ohhhh! Can we watch one more?” no. Pit stop is over. The half marathon resumes. I work getting kids to brush, dress, and potty for bed while keeping Oaklee out of the bathroom and out of the boys’ room that is covered in tiny legos. Scriptures. Family Prayer. Hugs and Kisses. Tuck them in. Good night. Done? Not even close. We’ll just say there’s a lot of fighting, playing around, or needing one more thing before falling asleep. Several threats of being grounded from the Wii, friends, their soft blanket, and sometimes even losing their birthday. The cutest baby in the world then turns on the cuteness and charm in order to stay up a little later. She plays while I study my scriptures/gawk at her cuteness. She is then put to bed which equals scream her head off until she decides to give up. I am now going to WORK OUT…not! That is what ten in the morning Elena thought. But after having run a Mom Half Marathon for the day, I usually eat some chocolate, waste some time on facebook or pintrest, work on a craft or watch some Downton Abbey or Duck Dynasty with my love. Tuck ourselves in to bed, later than we should have. On cue, baby starts crying, or if it’s not her night, one of the boys takes a turn to have had an accident or a bad dream. Scroll back up, and repeat. There are of course many going-ons between the lines, both good and bad, but this is the fast forward version.
When I run a half marathon, I’d say I have a love-hate relationship with the 13.1 miles. For the first few miles I am totally charged up and glad I signed up to do it. As the miles get more, there are parts about the race that are less than enjoyable, moments of weakness, moments of pain, times I may even want to quit. There are times when I watch those running past me at full strength and feel jealous or compare myself to them. But then I reach the 6 mile station where I get an energy goo to recharge me. It is disgusting to choke down, but it sure aids my running! At mile 9 there is a pretty challenging hill. It’s time to crank up my power song and get motivated to get up this hill. It’s time to think of my kids or my brother serving overseas. It’s time to run this mile for them. At mile 10 there are some huge kettle drums. Volunteers are enthusiastically playing these amazing drums and cheering me on. I know that I can make it. I even am enjoying running! I might even be able to keep running 5 more miles! Then I hit the worst part of the race, running along the busy road. The area to run is narrow, the cars are too close for comfort, and the wind is beating against me. Maybe I can’t make it. Push through. Finally I turn the corner through a neighborhood and I know I am in the home stretch. I know that my family will be cheering me on. I know that the finish line is close, and I know that there is yummy food and a chance to sit down. I can make it! I’m sure glad I decided to do this. I see my family. I cross the finish line. I made it. I loved it…well kind of.
In my Mommy Half Marathon, I have challenges and triumphs. I have hours or days, sometimes weeks when I wonder, “What was I thinking signing up for this!?” I have moments where I just don’t even want to try to be a good mom. I also have tender moments where my little Logan runs back to give me a good-bye hug and kiss before he walks in to preschool. Where my Silas writes me an “I’m sorry I was rotten note” and tapes it to my door. Where my little Oaklee adorably dances to any music around her, even a text-message alert. I have moments when my sweet husband knows how much I need a break, so he just sends me off somewhere and takes on the 3 kids, no strings attached, sometimes for hours. And when I come back he has also cleaned the kitchen. I have moments when I get to use what I learned at college, to teach my own children. I have moments when I am studying the scriptures and a verse I read gives me an idea on how I can solve a parenting dilemma I’ve been having. I have moments when a loving Heavenly Father lets me know that it’s important to him for me to find some cute inexpensive clothes to wear, because it’s important to me. I have moments when a dear friend sends me a text or comes over to play, being just what I needed.
I will not pretend that running a half marathon is easy for me, or that I even love every 13.1 miles of it. I will not pretend that I am a perfect mother, that I love being a mother 100% of the time, or that I have a clean house. But I will absolutely say that I know that being a mom is what I am supposed to be doing at this time in my life, and that I wasn’t sent here to do it alone. I will also try to better remember that our lives are made in these small hours and moments.
As crazy as this is now, I guess that maybe I’ll enter the full Mom Marathon if I have more than 3 kids? Or maybe when I have teenagers? Who knows…until then, I’ll keep running my Mommy Half and loving some moments, and not so much loving others.
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